Got It All Together Club
Contributing Author: Lorrin Freeman, District Attorney & Wellbeing Committee Chair (Wake County, NC)
I had already been thinking about my mom and the “got it all together club” before I saw the signs. There they were- the universe chiding me a bit- as I was about to board the plane home from the National District Attorneys Association Summer Conference. Delta Airlines’ message “You’re One Step Closer to Having it All Together” was an invitation to use their app for convenience sake.
While in Boise, I had attended my first NDAA executive committee meeting as a member of that group and had rejoined the Board now with the additional responsibility of co-chairing the Wellbeing Committee. Over several days I found myself thinking about a saying my mom used repeatedly when I was growing up. She would say, “We don’t have to be part of the ‘got it all together’ club.” This was her way of acknowledging that sometimes life was messy and we might not always be our best selves, but that what was important was being honest and vulnerable and real. For her, being a member of the “got it all together club” meant pretending that everything was perfect even when it wasn’t.
Why is it that we feel pressure to have it all together? What exactly does “having it all together” mean anyway? Whatever it means to people, it appears to be a coveted status. Just as the Delta signs suggest, it’s an aspiration for many.
But what if we approached life from the perspective of it being ok that we don’t have it all together all the time? Would we feel less anxiety and less stress? Could we find more joy and maybe even humor in the less than perfect moments? Would these feelings in turn allow us to lead more earnest and fulfilled lives where we were willing to take more risks?
In her book The Gifts of Imperfection, social scientist and author Dr. Brene Brown writes that “the core of mental toughness is actually self-compassion.” She adds “People who are mentally tough stay mentally tough because they don’t slip easily into shame or self-criticism or self-loathing.” Research backs up the idea that when we spiral into self-criticism we are less likely to bounce back and to learn from our mistakes. (“The Scientific Benefits of Self-Compassion”, Dr. Emma Seppala, The Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education at Stanford University)
My mom gave me a lot of gifts. One of the greatest ones is knowing that I don’t have to be part of the “got it all together club”. Next time things fail to be executed with less than perfect precision, remember, it’s ok not to be part of the club.
